Incognito

Recently Chloe and I have attended a couple of really enjoyable local lesbian Meetup events -- Red doesn't seem to mind us running off together, especially if it coincides with broadcasts of multiple baseball games, which he then gets to watch guilt-free. Win-win-win!

Chloe and I do wonder whether this will one day be something Red gets worried about. But we keep taking his temperature, and so far no cause for alarm. It would be fun to bring him along to some of these, we keep thinking, but it doesn't seem socially appropriate. The one time Chloe tried to explain our situation to one of the women we met, it just didn't seem to compute in that person's head. Maybe it would make the women we're meeting uncomfortable, and that's not polite, especially in new company.

But the thing Red jokes about actually is a real, little bitty, niggling fear. "Don't tell them you're bisexual," he warns theatrically, "or they'll kick you out of the club!"

This is not, of course, a new issue. (See several previous posts here, and a truckload of articles and arguments in the LGBTQ world, for evidence.) But it's becoming a more concrete one for me and Chloe. The other day, since we were one of only two couples in a crowd of about 15 ladies, it was natural for someone to ask us "So, how long have you been together? How did you meet?" ... We exchanged glances and managed to tell pieces of the tale, along with a couple of "it's a reaaallly long story" interjections, without contradicting each other. Later we wondered if we should have a canned script ready for such moments.

And what's the worst that could happen? We get socially rejected? Probably only by some individuals, not all the people we've met (who seem pretty cool on the whole). We put someone a little out of their comfort zone? That's already happened plenty with our straight friends and family. I guess the gay guys have been so low-key, and there were already so many more of those in our lives than gay women, that we're not sure whether the girls are gonna be like "right on!" or back away like "hey, this space here is for actual lesbians". Chloe observed that the category in question is "girls who like girls", and in that respect we fit right in. Even if the number of girls each of us has ever liked is less than or equal to 2.

So do I get to embrace the subculture of not-straight women? Or do I have an asterisk? Should I be nervous about being found out as a poseur* or a fraud? For now I think I'll grab Chloe's hand, run to the beach for that barbecue, and come back to Red's fuzzy face to celebrate our growing circle of friends.


*The nerd in me is forced to observe that as a female person I am actually "incognita", and a "poseuse". Carry on.