Last week when I had some time to post, I planned on writing about how great it is to be the "Party in a Box." You know...wherever we go we're a group, we're a team, we ARE happy hour. We're not waiting for a friend to join us or hoping we don't get stood up, or even chatting with the bartender until our date shows up. It's a great feeling.Because of recent events however, our "Party in a Box" was suddenly forced to evolve into "Life Support in a Box," and I'm not feeling so flip or lighthearted about it anymore.
I have always prided myself in being pretty self-sufficient and low-maintenance. I am comfortable alone or with people, I stay out of trouble, I generally only take on challenges and situations that I can manage on my own. Now that I've been plunged into a full-on crisis though, I realize that what I thought was strength and independence was apparently just a wall I had constructed to keep from being let down by people I should be able to depend on. It's painful to be so vulnerable when you aren't used to it (I suppose like holding a nail and hammering with your eyes closed). What I have found though, is that if someone is looking out for you, you don't have to bear all of the pain and make all of the decisions by yourself. If TWO people are looking out for you, it's ten times more powerful, effective, and comforting (somehow...miraculously).
Life is all turned upside-down, but I have Missy and Red to hold on to. They remind me that I am loved, that I belong, that I matter.
For me - generally conflict-avoidant, can't-we-all-just-get-along, Pied Piper girl - this situation brings out the fierce protectress. As in, you WILL NOT mess with this person I love so deeply. Or I will make you wish you'd never been born. Turns out, I can tolerate white-hot rage after all, if it's righteous indignation about how you're treating my Chloe. (Someone messed with Red several years ago and I got this way too. I'd kinda forgotten, since it's not where my gauges are usually set.)
ReplyDeleteOnce I can turn my attention away from that, I just want to fold her up in me and salve all the wounds. The best part about this is, there's Red right there doing the same. Enough love to get past anything. I know it's there for me when I need it too. We may not be able to prevent the storm, but we can weather it together.
If it ain't worth fightin' for, it ain't worth havin', right?! And in the end, we can celebrate our victories with the ones we love...
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