The green eyed monster.

"They" say that jealousy is one of the biggest issues in a polyamorous relationship.

I am not a jealous person by nature. I've never been wild about the idea of any of my long-term partners stepping out on me, but I don't tend to be suspicious, and I never got mad if Red flirted with other women in social settings. He has always had lunch dates with various women he knew through work or from before we got together, and would tell me all about them. Actually, that's how this whole Chloe connection started. Lunch.

So over lunch yesterday, as the three of us munched on tortilla chips (which Chloe salted as soon as the basket arrived on the table, without tasting them first, because that's what she always does -- God love her), Red alluded to the fact that I sometimes get jealous in the Trifecta. I acknowledged it. They wanted to know more. (Remember my objection to rectangular restaurant tables? This time, I was solo on one side, and it was actually perfect, to be looking at them both at once so they could see my eyes.) Was it when Red would kiss or hug Chloe out in public? No. Maybe on the couple of occasions when they'd gotten home before me and had a roll in the hay without me? Not that either. It's not about percentage of time, nor about my work often making me the last one to arrive at happy hour.

It's that certain boundaries, rules, habits and assumptions on Red's part have changed since Chloe came along. Most of these changes are, in my view, for the better. So what's the problem? It's that when one of these is something I had lobbied for before, and he had held his position, but the barrier fell in an instant when it was something Chloe wanted, I felt slighted. What, this thing was off-limits then, but now it's acceptable? Because he wants to make her happy?

Let me be clear: Red treats me well, and he always has. From the very beginning, more than a decade ago, he has made me feel like I'm important, like I matter. He listens to me. He takes my feelings and ideas seriously. And each of us has molded our selves to the other: he never used to drink single malt whiskey, and now he delights in a glass (and can tell you which corner of Scotland it comes from). I could not have cared less about baseball before, but I ended up craving season tickets and watching most of the rest of the games on TV (and can often tell you the first baseman's batting average on the spot).

So it's not like I have any good reason to feel put out. This is normal. This is how New Relationship Energy affects people. It's just ... when it's me, when it's my existing partner who is suddenly listening to different music and making different vacation decisions and eating extra-salty chips ... I have gotten indignant here and there. None of this is Chloe's doing. It's not like she's the Arbiter Of Soundtrack And Outdoor Activities -- these are all things Red has spontaneously evolved on. And as he has gently pointed out to me, I have been evolving on Chloe's behalf also. So, okay. There we are. No reason for jealousy.

Doesn't matter.

There it is. I can be scared of it, or angry about it, or sad that things aren't the same as they were when it was just Red and me. Or, I can pause for a moment, and notice: this day is suffused with love. Affection. Relaxed laughter. Last night was superlative.

Don't it make my green eyes blue?