People expect heterosexuals. People have even come to expect homosexuals. People do NOT expect...this.
There are so many difficult conversations in life, but I would've never predicted just how difficult this one would be. I tried so many times to tell my mom about the Trifecta, to no avail. I have considered tackling it with my daughter (who, at almost 19 years old, is certainly at least capable of understanding), but the right time has never presented itself. Then I admittedly took the coward's way out by having "the talk" with my favorite Aunt via email. Email!
Red had the talk with his mom on the phone pro-actively in advance of their Thanksgiving visit, and Missy (brave soul) told her sister over dinner? Wow. Each time one of us comes out to someone, it feels like a small victory for our team. It draws us out from the cold, dark shadows into the buttery-warm glow of the sunshine. It lends some sort of reality to the silly fantasy that has somehow evolved into this LIFE we share together.
Each time someone new knows, I feel like an elephant-sized weight has been lifted from my chest - like I can breathe again, when I never realized my breathing was restricted to begin with.
It makes me marvel at how incredibly liberating it will feel when there is no pretending, no acting, no hiding...
By my count, the number of people who know the real deal about the Trifecta - in real life - is now eleven. Maybe a few more indirectly.
ReplyDeleteOn the one hand, that's a small number. On the other hand, it's so many more than once upon a time!
Breathe.
Chloe,
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be struggling with your progress in sharing with others the fulfillment you have found in your new relationship.
If this is causing you distress and you are feeling apprehension and fear, it might be time to shift your focus onto what is causing these feelings rather than the feelings themselves. After you have worked through that, everything else may fall into place.
Genuine love means the path is already being cleared for acceptance, whether agreement or disagreement exists about specific details or choices being made. You are free. Your life choices need not be negotiable with anyone but your partners, just like in any successful relationship.
Those who you decide to bring into your confidence will either come around or they will not, and it will be all about them and their filters for that which they deem as acceptable. It will not be about you. It may affect you, but we have little or no control over the reactions, decisions and emotions of other people.
We all have the opportunity to interact with others with open hearts and the freedom to make our own choices about what we believe to be real. Your choice has already been made. You are already loved and are in love.
The path is opening and the journey is well under way. Try not to let fear discourage you. If you feel what you are doing is right and good, you will find a way to begin to tell your story in your own good time.
There appear to still be some important obstacles in the path, not the least of which is possible damage to Missy and Red's careers should you all not proceed very cautiously and thoughtfully. You appear to be carefully weighing all the right things and wrong things to say, when to say them, and to whom exactly you should say them.
That is no small matter, nor is this any time to throw caution to the wind. Your feelings are justified. Just take things slowly, and you will know what to do when the time is right.
An example would be, say.... if someone came to town and this person, being observant and blunt by nature because of their own past experiences and their own filters, would likely come right out and bluntly ask you all about it after, say.... 2, maybe 3 glasses of premium red Italian wine. That might be a person you might want to share with ahead of time!
So see, no problem! Score one for Chloe.
Good grief. In retrospect, this was not a comment. This was a manuscript! Yawn. I love a good lecture.
Chloe, Missy & Red,
ReplyDeleteIn my experience, limited though it be, and from conversations with friends, coming out about such things as homo/bi sexuality, polyamory or other such lifestyle choices is difficult. In the case of polyamorous relationships, that difficulty is quite often multiplied. In some cases one partners family "can't know" while another partner chooses to live "openly and honestly" and those are not easily compatible positions.
I think the three of you are having many victories here. Consider Missy's count of 11+ and remember that there are three of you. You have 33+ victories. Keep up the good work!