Gaining wisdom the hard way...as usual.

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.    -Confucius

I feel like I'm accidentally on my way to being the wisest person in the history of mankind.  I imagine there is an alarm somewhere in the universe that goes off when it senses I'm happy and comfortable for too long a stretch of time...at which point some new and different type of anguish is rudely injected into my life.


Don't get me wrong - I dislike people who sulk and complain and wait for others to cheer them up.  I know how ridiculously fortunate I am, and I also realize that I (and only I) have the power to change the things in my life that I don't like.  But every once in a while I'm blindsided.


Let the sulking and complaining commence.


Sadly, since I'm the third and Missy & Red are married, I will always be the one who (in public, at least) can't just walk up and hug either of them, or sit on the couch and snuggle up, or give a passing kiss on the way down the hall...  I'm an adult.  I have good judgement.  I appreciate the value of muddling through some less-than-perfect to get to the insanely awesome.  But in weaker moments when I need a little affection or attention or just to be able to say what's on my mind, I feel stuck out in the cold. 


No matter where we are or who we're around, Red & Missy never have to think twice about the affection they show one another.  To others, their behavior (good, bad, whatever) is always normal married people behavior.  But our friends, family and co-workers who know me only as their friend would absolutely FREAK OUT if I acted that way with either of them.  A hug that lasts a second too long, or too many hugs, or a hug for no particular reason would draw attention.  There is no hand holding or back rubbing or squeezing of a knee in my world unless we are alone or with people who know (although we do our fair share of pushing the limits). 


So I'm left mourning the loss of being in a "normal" relationship where nobody would think twice about seeing me walk up behind the person I love while they're doing the dishes and kiss the back of their neck or put my arms around them for a hug or an "I love you."  I can't call them "baby" or "sweetie" or use too much of that lovey-dovey tone of voice.  There shouldn't be too much giggly behavior or whispering or closeness and no hand-holding or butt-swatting, either.   What about when I need a more-than-just-friends kind of hug?  Nothing.


Who chooses THAT?  Me.


Well...at least I'm becoming wise, right?