Stupid Hallmark.

Not one of their cards is appropriate for this occasion.

Long ago we came up with the idea of starting a line of greeting-cards for people in unconventional situations like ours. Now, more than ever, is when we'd be raking in the dough. (Chloe, by the way, is an amazing fount of business ideas for untapped niche markets.)

Of course, Hallmark also doesn't make cards that convey other sentiments that would be useful right now: "Bummer about all the work you're going to have to do this week. I love you and will make it worth your while!" Or, "When you have a low-grade fever and would rather be anywhere but the office, remember you are loved." How about: "There's nothing a lame ex-spouse can throw at you that can't be deflected by a martini!" Or maybe: "Tax time is just another good reason for happy hour!"

But, I'll manage without a pre-boughten card, and just tell both my Valentines: I am enormously grateful for you, and my love and desire and affection and joy have no bounds.