Call me the Village Idiot...

So let's review...we have mastered the Trifecta time-warp, where being together for months feels like we've been together for years, and the weekend arrives in half the time now that there are three of us.  We have conquered spacial relations roulette - the queen sized bed has actually expanded to accomodate us.  But have I learned anything?  No.  Apparently I am that person in the village who walks into telephone poles, expecting them to step out of the way.

Maybe I didn't have feelings before?  I used to be the person whose feelings were never hurt, who never cried, who never broke out into crazy-person laughter at inappropriate times.  Yeah, not so much anymore.  I am in this new and different relationship, and experiencing new and different emotions (130% of which are awesome, by the way), but still around every corner is something that has the potential to make me crumble or explode or...(insert embarassing/horrifying emotional reaction HERE).  And it still takes me by surprise like it's the first time...every time.  I should learn to expect it, but apparently I'm completely incapable.

Logically I expect to be a little less secure in our relationship because Red & Missy were here first...I'm the newbie, the third, the extra...and that doesn't bother me one bit.  But wow.  Put me at a party where only the hosts know about the Trifecta?  Ack.  Don't get me wrong - I had a great time, and I'm sure no one noticed anything strange in my laughter or speech or behavior.  The awkwardness was deafening to me though - yes, I believe that night I invented deafening awkwardness.  Am I being too touchy-feely with him (I mean, they all know he's married to her)?  Uh oh...I think I'm over-compensating and ignoring them completely now.  Geez, stop staring at her - I'm sure it's written all over your face!  Then later?  Tears.  I imagined everyone going home after the party and asking each other "who WAS that?"  "Did she come with them or was she alone?"  "Wait, HOW did she know them?"  Yup - call me undefined. 

Don't worry.  I'll survive.  I have the greatest support EVER in Missy & Red.  They take good care of me.  Time will pass as well, and things that feel strange now will begin to feel normal.  People will get to know us and people will get to know me.  I just hope I learn to stop walking into telephone poles before my face gets too messed up.