As tempted as I am to spend this time writing about all the beautiful sunshine and happiness that happened on our recent "family" vacation, the rest of it should be recorded too - in the hopes that someday, somehow, we may look back and laugh.

It has been over a year since the beginning of the Trifecta.  In the early times, I assumed that a magical day would come where I would be able to safely look back and say that I had seen it all...experienced ALL of the dark, weird, uncomfortable moments.  I (stupidly) hoped that it wouldn't take a year.  I would've laughed if anyone had told me back then that it would not only take MORE than a year, but that I might never be happy with some things - important things.

Am I a big baby?  Apparently.  I suspect that I will always mourn the loss of that childish dream of a single, perfect soul mate.  A guilty pleasure of mine is the sappy, predictable romantic comedy, so this is clearly a problem.  I suspect I will continue to be sad and feel sorry for myself every time, at the very moment the boy finds the girl he was meant to be with, and they live happily ever after.  I know reality.  I know the feeling that you've found your soul mate, and then a few years later being miserable and angry and disappointed.  I know divorce.  I also know bliss.  I know that some of the most intensely spectacular moments I have ever had have been within the Trifecta - beautiful moments that I truly believe would be impossible between just two people.  Yet I will always mourn the loss of the boy/girl sould mate phenomena.

I have considered the possiblity that maybe THREE people could be soul mates.  We have all gone through this-and-that to become the people we are, in the place we are, and that the universe brought us together, and so on and so forth...  The death of that theory is in the numbers.  The beauty of the soul mate dream (in MY mind, anyhow) is that you can be yourself - the good, the bad and the ugly - with a single other person who will love you despite all of your flaws.  That will always be impossible with us, because we will always have to put someone (or everyone) else's feelings first - and we're good at it, otherwise we wouldn't have made it this far.  It is frustrating how difficult it is for me to relax enough to experience a meltdown and get all boo-hooey and sappy and greedy for love and affection, for fear that someone's feelings will be hurt.  I worry "have we left him alone too long?  Is he lonely?", or "will her feelings be hurt if we go someplace nice and she's not here?"  I have realized that we aren't a glob of three people, but there are two separate one-on-one relationships that I am fortunate enough to have.  They will always be in flux though, and I will always need to be concerned about someone being short changed.  I want everyone to be happy with me all the time...unrealistic, I know. 

So alas, we arrive again at the beginning - no mysteries have been solved and no answers learned...welcome to my world.

Mother******* Nature.

Recently we went on an epic roadtrip. We had kids with us and visited Red's parents, but along the way we got a few nights of Trifecta-only time. It was bliss.

But I have to say, Mother Nature can be a bitch.

The first half of the trip, I was menstruating. The second half, Chloe was menstruating. WTF?? It was quite a parade to rain on. Happily, none of us is particularly squeamish about that sort of thing, but nonetheless the whole phenomenon tends to render each of us girls crampy and cranky and generally uncomfortable.

Then again ... we got up above 9,000 feet one day toward the end, looking around at the mountains (still with snow on them!), the lake, the wildlife, the shockingly blue sky ... and I thought: okay, Mother. I guess you dish out the beauty and the beastliness both. I'll take that.

What a tease.

Two more nights.

For the last three weeks, because of various summer anomalies in other people's schedules, Chloe and Red and I have had the house to ourselves. Her clothes are hanging next to mine in the closet. She replaced our showerhead (which I suspect was out of sheer exasperation, but I choose to see it as incredibly sweet). I've stopped being jealous of Red having the middle of the bed. We've even figured out the exact right configuration and timing of open windows and doors, to keep that bed at the right temperature!

And now, it's about to end.

Regular routines resume, and the fact is we don't live together. Yet. Might never. And it makes me terribly, awfully sad to give up the temporary taste of it.

At the same time, I'm silly with joy over how much fun it's been. And how comfortable. We're not sick of each other, and even though there's been way more work hours than usual for two of us, we've all gotten through that with humor and grace.

There was an earlier period like this, where we got to see what it was like to spend every night together for a while. We're so much closer now. More practical? Not necessarily ... we keep saying we're going to catch up on sleep, but then we keep oops having more CRAZY hot awesome blinding sex almost every time we go to bed. Sheesh.

Next week makes a year we've been a triple. We can hold out long enough to finally achieve the Trifecta Dream Home, right?

*yawn*

So very boring.

Well, no: the Trifecta continues to be the most novel and engaging thing in my life, and I want to spend every minute I possibly can just reveling in it.

And there are still periods of melodrama. There's a family member who thinks Chloe and Red are having an affair, without me knowing (which would make me the THICKEST wife EVER), and while we would love to disabuse this person of their delusion, that would probably blow our cover at work, which might get someone fired. So we're still debating what to do, and how to arrange life around this person (total avoidance is not an option).

There are exciting new discoveries. (Remember Mexico, where we learned that straight boys AND straight girls gave us the thumbs-up? Turns out, gay guys are also impressed by Red! And make us feel welcome in their bars, so far without exception.)

I finally got everybody rings. Here is one of them:

Because in three weeks, we reach our one-year mark.

I'm pretty sure I have never been this happy. By turns it gets dramatic, weird, exciting, and confusing. But it also has gotten *comfortable*. It has become the default, the Way Things Are. That may be the best part of all.

Yes!

This post is going to be boring, because all I really have to say is that I am happy. This relationship is going well. Really well. I am happy. Um, what else...Missy and Chloe make me happy. Like, constantly. I'm so blissed out. What bad writing this makes for.

They've made me a stronger, more confident, better man. And I'm more able to help them out when they need it. I'm full of gratitude for C&M and I can't wait until the next time I am with them. I've felt that way for...10+ months now and I still do. They occupy my mind, body and spirit in a way nothing or no one ever has. I love love LOVE it. There's no place I'd rather be than right here, right now. I am having the time of my life. What an adventure. I can't wait to see what happens next. I could go on and on, but for your sake I'll stop gushing now :)

Thank you Chloe, thank you Missy, sincerely, for daring to go on this ride with me. I love you both with all of my heart.

-Red

Mr. Frog's Wild Ride.

Yes, I know it's Mr. Toad. Stick with me here.

There is this cute little froggy video game for your smartphone (I used to play NO games at all), discovered by Chloe while we three were on our one epic ski trip of the winter. The weather was so bad we barely made it to our destination, and the conditions on the slopes were terrible -- so we mostly spent our time eating Mexican food, drinking, and snuggling in huge hotel beds while the wind howled and the snow piled up outside. I know, terrible. Also we played the froggy game. You can send frogs to one another, or just amuse yourself with your own frogs if you're the one in the backseat for a couple of hours. It's harmless, and not particularly competitive (although Red has gotten way farther than me or Chloe, and makes no secret of it, bless his heart). Mostly it's cute.

Among the things I like about the frogs is the "Happy" progress bar. If you cause your frog to eat lots of flies, it gets more happy; it stays happy if you fill its habitat with nice scenery, and other frogs. The happiness doesn't drain away unless you put the frog somewhere dreary and lonely. You can breed your frogs (which is how you get even more interesting kinds of frogs); you'd think this would also increase happiness, but it doesn't -- the mating is rather perfunctory (and in real life I guess it doesn't even require the frogs to interact), so I can overlook that one. Of course in the Trifecta, mating DOES increase happiness, and therefore should happen as often as possible.

Over the recent holiday weekend, we three plopped down in our favorite habitat: the hot, dry one, where we're free to be completely open and relaxed about who we are. No professional obligations. No need to keep up a pretense of respectability. Perfectly okay to express our sweetness in public. After my prolonged fit of ill temper the previous week, I expected this to restore me to 100% even-keeled enduring sanity. Surprise: it didn't. What it did do, intensely, was drive my "Happy" bar all the way to the right within the first few hours. The next day I had a dip: a few minutes of irrational weepiness, with about a half-hour hangover. The rest of that day and night were spectacular ... adventures, excitement, abandon. The next night I had another brief sulk, during which I even scowled at Chloe (unusual), but it passed. The rest of the vacation was blissful. Happy bar upon returning home: 98%.

Since then there have been assorted logistical nightmares, long hours at work, extra family demands pulling us away from each other. These, we are familiar with. My indicator drops by a few percentage points here or there, but surges back when we have a few hours to ourselves. We're planning another trip to the desert habitat, and that alone -- pure Trifecta time to look forward to -- keeps me going.

Variability is tolerable. Ten months, as of today; that shows what we can accommodate.

Chloe is right: this blog is not a representative sample of what our days are like. Mostly we are mellow, healthy, and incredibly kind to each other. I think it's when we get surprised that we make noise, and I'm glad we do.

Keeps me hopping.

We are good.

I have no ulterior motive…I am not here to steal anyone away from anyone else.  I didn’t weasel my way into this, and I was not coerced.   I didn’t expect to be here today, feeling the way I do.  When it began, my only plan was to explore the possibilities and satisfy a vague sense of curiosity. 

Last summer I had lunch with an old friend that I hadn’t seen in 24 years.  I remembered that when I knew him before, I sincerely enjoyed his company – he was bright, amusing, handsome, attentive, interesting…those things about him haven’t changed.  He said he was happily married (but didn’t need to – it was clear to me when I saw them together).  She is so sweet and caring, beautiful, honest, sharp, funny…I loved that they truly enjoyed each other’s company so much.  If that hadn’t been the foundation that we built this relationship on, it would not still exist.  There aren’t enough hours in the day or patience in the world that can add the variable of another person to a weak or damaged relationship and expect anything good to come of it. 

Y’all can be worried about what might be bothering any or all of us at any given time.  Feel free to be concerned about someone being taken advantage of or not being treated properly.   One of the many qualities that makes each of us great individually, and the Trifecta strong as a unit, is our compassion and empathy for the feelings of the others.  We are strong and caring, and we face head-on the obstacles that arise.  This blog is not necessarily indicative of our everyday lives.  It is a place we come to vent, daydream, muse, and explore ideas.  It is a place where we can safely express ourselves and talk about things without fear of hurting anyone’s feelings, OR…(my personal favorite) beating a dead horse.

Rest assured…we are good.